This week, we’re Breaking down:

• A beef-seeking missile named Keiarna on RHOP
• The silent collapse of Lisa Barlow RHOSLC
• And the resurrection of Panic! at the Disco — because emo’s not just a phase, mom.

If you’ve ever been told your love of trash TV is a red flag or your emo playlist is just teenage angst — congrats, you’re home now. Let’s laugh, cry, and scream at the TV together.

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Potomac: Blind Rankings & Beefs

First up: the Potomac taglines. Yes, we blind-ranked them. Yes, it went terribly. No, we don’t regret it. Tia’s line? Iconic. Angel’s? Not so much. Gizelle’s tagline about being naked and grown? That’s… certainly a choice when your kids are watching. Dr. Wendy stayed hilariously iconic with her perfect tagline (ranked too low in Monique’s opinion).

And the chaos continues: Keiarna pulled up as a certified beef-seeking missile, targeting Wendy with emotional smoke signals no one could read. She’s giving therapy language without therapy logic.

The entire confrontation felt like your toxic friend getting mad about a vibe shift you didn’t RSVP to. Meanwhile, Dr. Wendy — unbothered, moisturized, booked & busy – laughed it off like a boss.

Also, justice for Stacey who showed up nerd early to the pre-Preakness party, just to get shaded — again. And Angel flip-flopping? Girl, we saw you say it was a problem. You can’t gaslight the audience. If Gizelle is siding with an enemy, you know you’re in the wrong bbygirl.

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Salt Lake City: Barlow Breakdown & understanding Gas vs farts

Let’s start with Lisa. Nine suitcases for a yacht trip, no glam team, and a husband who looks like he’s in witness protection. The “treat me like glass” moment? Peak emotionally fragile boss babe.

Heather Gay tried to be the peacemaker, but even she’s done with Lisa — and honestly, same. Lisa commenting on TikToks about her own credit cards? Girl, log off.

Meanwhile, Bronwyn and Todd’s lunch date was a slow-motion tragedy. He took a cherry after she said not to and emotionally checked out harder than a Forever 21 cashier on their last shift.

Another episode where Britani caught strays, but this time reasonably so…by her daughter. The way Olivia read her in that cafe? Poetic cinema. We cried, and side-eyed Britani.

And then… Mary vs. Angie K.

A calm, grounded confrontation… until it turned into Fartgate. Mary, queen of contradictory chaos, served us both spiritual guidance and flatulence trauma. Duality hunty.

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Panic! Resurrected

Panic! at the Disco is back-ish. Brendon brought out the blazers and recreated A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out live at When We Were Young Fest. And we screamed – Monique with happiness, Eric with anger. The question… where is Ryan Ross? If we’re gonna go full emo, we kinda need the eyeliner core four.

The limited edition vinyl box set sold out in 24 hours. Late-stage capitalism wins again, but so did our sad little hearts.

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Special Report: Wife Swap, Real Housewives Edition

Angie Kay swapping lives with an off-grid Idaho family? Emmy-worthy. She pumped her own toilet. She bathed outside. She survived. And then hosted a watch party with the family afterward. We stan a bonded trauma arc.

We also want justice for Dr. Wendy — rumors say Bravo might not air her Wife Swap episode. But if Jen Shah can film while being indicted, Wendy deserves her moment.

In Music:

• Something In The Way Fest (Boston, Jan 31–Feb 1): The Hotelier, Sunny Day Real Estate, Citizen, Tiger’s Jaw — a line up from the emo gods themselves.
• All Get Out released Side A on Bandcamp only. Emo ethics, baby.
• Silverstein announced their 25th anniversary tour with Thursday, Free Throw, and Bloom.
• Bloom released a new single “Out of Reach” leading up to their new album slated to release October 31st, titled The Light We Chase.

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Final Thoughts: Emo Feels Forever

So, are we thrilled Panic! is back? Yes. Are we side-eyeing the lack of Ryan Ross? Absolutely. Are we still adding that Denver performance to our Saddies playlist? 100%.

Stay messy. Stay melodic. And remember, all roads lead back to something that aired on MTV between 2005 and 2011.

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🎧 Listen to the full episode here.
💬 Drop your messiest opinions in the comments.

Thanks for listening, screaming, and spiraling with us.